I’m 42, and two years ago, everything shattered: my husband of many years—40 at the time—had been having an affair. It was a gut punch that lasted nearly a year before I uncovered the truth. I filed for divorce immediately. It was painful. It was messy. But worst of all, I feared the damage wasn’t over. We had two kids, a 13-year-old daughter and a 10-year-old son, and I worried about how they’d survive this.
Fast forward six months after the divorce: my ex moved in with the woman he had cheated with. I did everything I could to keep the family unit from falling apart despite our separation. I reminded the kids to call their dad, helped pack their bags for his weekends, and—most importantly—never disparaged him or his new partner in front of them. I couldn’t be that parent.
But the kids grew distant. At first, it was awkward politeness. Soon, they came back with complaints: “Dad only cares about her,” “He doesn’t listen when we’re upset.” Their detachment hinted at deeper wounds than I’d thought.
One evening, he called me, exasperated: “Why are the kids so cold? You must be saying negative things about me.” And I snapped—because the truth had to be said: “I don’t badmouth you. You cheated. You broke our marriage—and our family. They’re hurt. They remember. If they’re distant, it’s because of what you did.”
Then he went nuclear. He accused me of poisoning the kids, of reframing the past, of being cruel by bringing up the affair years later. But that wasn’t reframing—it was validation. The kids are still processing that betrayal, whether he likes it or not.
Now, through mutual friends, he claims I’m manipulating the kids and keeping wounds open. Some people say I shouldn’t have said what I did. But I hold firm: I didn’t cause their pain—I helped them name it.
Community Reaction Highlights
Online commenters were quick and unwavering:
“NTA. This is called ‘paying the consequences of actions.’”
— mikoline97 Reddit
“Also called F around and Find Out.”
— robin4092 Reddit
“He played stupid games, now he wins stupid prizes.”
— NefariousnessSweet70 Reddit
“Kids see and know more than anyone gives them credit… If they feel like he’s not listening, he’s going to lose his kids.”
— Tiny_Woodpecker_7523 Reddit
“It never ceases to amaze me how cheaters … cannot face the fact that what they did hurt EVERYONE.”
— Linori123 Reddit
The consensus? Cheaters can’t escape the consequences—and parents can’t gaslight their way out of accountability.
